Super stressed today. Started work with an application down issue. I took control of the issue and now have the responsibility of making sure a good solution is presented. I’ve run through the last week wondering if I’m fooling everyone about my skills as a programmer. How do you convince yourself you know what your doing? I’ve got everyone else convinced, even though I worry they can see right through me. That last thing is so contradictory. How can I convince everyone but be scared they aren’t? Isn’t the beginning a confident statement followed by crap? My girls continue to aggravate me. Like on on a tightrope, above a bridge and it swings wildly in the wind. I have this tiny voice in my head telling me to be calm and respectable to my children. They will remember the worse moments but then, Big Sarge takes over and barks his orders. It’s insane.. its like two people arguing over who can be the better parent. I would rather have this argument with my wife. Second, third or fourth.. I don’t care.. I’m tired.. I go to bed at 11:30-12 and wake up at 6:30. I can just blame today’s issue on that
My anxiety is really high today. I don’t know the cause, just know my children make it worse. I heard on the radio someone started writing a journal. This is a public writing blog and I thought what better exercise then writing thoughts that prevent me from being happy. Anyways, I have money and child discipline activities on my mind. The family may move soon so that pressure is growing. “Do I have enough money to move?” Will I have enough money? I need to find a new job. What if they don’t like me? What if my current success is a fluke? What if the new place is worse than this place..
Anyways, post number 1.. I hope it makes me feel better