Tag: journal

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Kingsboro Journal

Freewriting Journal Entry May 10th

Heart pacemaker thing installed on my wife or for my wife to keep her from passing out.

It’s a pretty rough thought, knowing there is a device installed… a foreign object in my wife’s shoulder.

Imagine all the object we can now install on our bodies… in our bodies. Robo-humans. Arms, legs, hearts so much.

You know… I heard there are people that have surgery to look like elves. Really…

How about surgery to look like a boxer after a Mike Tyson fight… where the boxer bites your ear?

“Hey, what happened to your ear?”

“Oh nothing it’s supposed to hang down like that.”

“Really? It’s supposed to barely hang like that.. looks disgusting.”

“Well that rude… this is art, man what I do with my body is my business.”

“Sure is,” says the man walking away.

… are you asking for trouble when you do stuff like that? Tattooed face, weird ears… hey look at me!

The only experience I have is wearing fedoras or my custom tshirts. Speaking of that.. I have to run through all my artwork @ http://www.brokenstickstudio.com and add detailed descriptions. Sell it. It’s on my procrastination list.

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Kingsboro Journal My Views

Ahh… Some days

So frustrated today…

Sorry for any delays in storytelling lately.  I’m finding some success, all though very small, running www.brokenstickstudio.com.

I will still write and this is not a sign off… this is just a expression of exhaustion regarding an application I’m working on at work.

My writing is coming up to November and Novel Writing month.  I want to participate but I will have to pause work at the studio.  It’s really hard to shift gears from something you know is working to something you just like to do.  My daughter wants me to write a novel on a happy boy in a happy town that finds something wrong.  I’m stressing over this…

Never done anything like this.  My goal was to write an outline but I’ve never been all that great at sitting down and writing that framework.  Now, I have recently started DM’ing a game at http://www.woldiangames.com/.  We are always looking for more players by the way.  🙂

Creating these modules are very interesting and helpful.  They are certainly an asset when you are trying to tell a story.  I could very well set up these with my previous novel attempts and this new one.  If I was to do this boy story I really need some more details.  I’ve got a few days to work this out… stay tuned here for more details.  Also plan to add my new site here when I get a couple free moments.

Thanks for sticking with me… 🙂

matt

 

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Kingsboro Journal

Ideas

As I writer one of the worse things I can say is I’m out of ideas.  I’m not out of ideas so I guess that’s good.  The problem is my ideas are spread out.  I hang out at an online Pathfinder game named woldiangames.com.  (Looking for more players btw..)

I hadn’t experienced the details of an RPG game.  All these people that play D &D and Pathfinder and I missed all of it.. until now of course.  Within a year I’ve become a Dungeon Master in charge of an awesome group of players stuck on a Floating City.  My point being that I expend so much for this game.  I am absolutely thrilled to do so.  Problem number two, being my phone… no..no.. I’m not on Facebook all day or taking selfies and screaming like a girl.. I’m drawing/painting and creating.  I’m back to doing art after many years of quiet struggle.  Every t-shirt I post here is done from my phone.  I just ordered my Cthulhu t-shirt.   It will be in the mail 1 to 5 days.. wahoo..

Ideas… they are always there.  Like a mole on your arm that you try to tattoo over.  It’s always there.  What I would really like to do today is write another story about the family.. wow… they don’t have a name.  I’ve wrote two shorts about them and they don’t have a last name.  Maybe Shortz… Janice and Darrin Shortz.  Tracy and Sara Shortz…

Did you guys know I have a three hundred word minimum word count?  I’ve been short only a couple times over the years.  Today will not be one of them.

I’m watching reruns of Code Black.. I’m angry that I have to wait for new episodes then they give me reruns.  Same with NBC.. I don’t want to watch the Olympics junk.  I missed America’s got Talent because I avoided NBC via eight o’clock.. grrr

Well I made it…
If you have a favorite blog or a story that just has to be shared let me know.  Send me an email at matthewstitt49259@yahoo.com.  Hey, even if you want to say hi…

Have a great night

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Anxiety Journal Kingsboro Journal My Views

Dream of Death – Journal entry

I had a dream last night that I died. It was something that really makes you think. Don’t think too much into it. It could of had many meanings.

I spoke to my sister in my dream.  She had passed before me, which is more frightening.  Neither of us is dead but I was learning something from her.  I felt comfortable but fearful.

Can you feel comfortable but fearful?

We were both lying in a desert-like environment.. no heat just the sand and the scarce trees and bushes.

This dream just concreted my thought on how important it is to live up to your expectations of life.  To enjoy every moment and be good to people. Those people are going to be supporting you when you start to fade away.  A belief in God is helpful throughout life but I’m afraid that denies you credit as a strong individual.  You can give the grief to God.  He will take it but that grief is still yours to own.  You have to figure out how to manage it.
It’s like telling a baseball coach to hit a homerun for you.  It’s not possible.  The coach is there but you have to hit your own homerun.

Life is so absolutely important.
This is just an opinion piece here but I believe life is far more important than death or after-death.
Sure, if you are afraid to go to hell you are going to do your best to avoid it… fear has a way of doing that but are you living the best life by being fearful of punishment?
A single-minded focus on a happy afterlife avoids the situations that appear everyday. It’s a coping mechanism that many people need. Just let me get through this tough life and I will be ok.
I don’t agree with this. Life is so absolutely wonderful. So many potentials in this life of ours. I’ve had rough years. I’ve had some problems and expect more.
Life comes with the awesome responsibilities of others. Your actions affect everyone else. I feel it is my responsibility to be the best person because of what my actions do for others.
Sure, I screw this up all the time. Look at me under a microscope and you will see all the germs and micro-organisms swimming around but this is normal.  It’s all but impossible to be perfect everyday.

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My Views

New Task – World of my Artwork

hands

So I was able to complete my 1st draft of City of Zombies.  It was really a test for how far I could go and whether I could finish anything.  I think it went well and I am now in the editing phase.  Next task will be to work on my Art.  It has really been ignored for the last couple years.  So the plan is to do the same thing.  Every Wednesday I will work on some picture using art from Pinterest

https://www.pinterest.com/kingsboro2008/to-draw-list/

I will not pressure myself to finish it in one day.  The only rule is to work on it.  I still have to post every Wednesday so I will likely post about it.  Pictures of my progress may come every week or every other week.

My writing has not stopped and I need to continue to make progress with my novel and new work.  There is a bug in my ear regarding the Long Black Train.  I’ve been wanting to work on that and expand.

This will require some major world building, which I’m still working on.  City of Zombies was also a world builder exercise but I was able to base it off of things I see everyday.  The world of the Long Black Train is dark and filled with magic and monsters.  Mythology of a huge source of material for a writer.  Many of the monsters are based off them.  The Long Black Train is no different but my question is:

Is there a lack of originality because I use mythology?   Just like the Man tests I deal with all day long.  Does mythology make me less of a writer like dressing in pink could make me less than a man?  (Note: My comparison is  tongue in cheek)

Tongue in cheek?  What does that mean?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue-in-cheek

Apparently the tongue in cheek was an indication of contempt.  Still not sure what that would look like but oh well..

The picture above… I got lost in a tangent…

So standby for updates on my new task, my new writing and general thoughts..

Thanks

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Kingsboro Journal

To Do for 2015

My blog tends to be all over the place lately.  Other then my CityofZombies  posts and the other wonderful posts I add from others.  My addition of Monster stories has been missing.  I have plenty of material to add and I promise to make some changes this year.  I have loved monster stories since I first watched Dracula when I was a boy.  A little secret I will share.  I was terrified of vampire till I was 16 years old.  I would wrap something around my neck every night so I would not be bitten.  Luckily, I never strangled myself.

Often nights, I would envision monsters in the closet.  I would imagine shapes and build the monsters in my closet.  I spent many nights terrified that I would be attacked by human monsters.  Noises interrupting my sleep at night.  The house creeping and squeaking.  I have always have the most vivid imagination.  Imagine 3D images 24/7  prancing around within feet of your face every day.  I think of it a lot of times like a medium of monster-dom.  Instead of listening and seeing the dead I see fictional monsters.

I watched the last Night of the Museum tonight and I couldn’t help loving the sights and sounds of the creatures in the British museum.  It was like watching a whole new world develop right before my eyes.  This excitement is what keeps me moving.  The idea of writing something no one else has ever seen just thrills me.

My novel City of Zombies should be completed by June.  I am back to posting once a week but I am so close to the end of the novel.  I look forward to thwarting the zombie invasion below the streets and doing something with Gabriel.  Not really sure what I want to do to him.  My monsters will be all over that world by the time I’m done.

My other monsters will be populating this blog.  I have so many unfinished works in my journals and even within this blog.  I will be rewriting some key moments and recounting the journal entries.  I have a great take on Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie.  One of my favorite books.  I wrote it years ago, never finished.

Last up: I will be suiting up for a brand new web address this year.  My Monsters and Me will be becoming a .com or whatever strikes me as interesting.  I plan to start this next week.  To y’all out there have a great year.

Thanks matthew r. stitt

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Anxiety Journal Unsorted Posts

Author (Freewriting) Dec 23, 2014

I’m watching the latest Paranormal Activities movie, good reason why I can’t write but still.  I just don’t have any energy to write.  I’m going to have to force myself to write.  I’m writing this post just to free write something.  Paranormal Activity 4 is a very interesting return to the original intention of the franchise.  My opinion, of course but I find the setting within the Latino community very interesting.  It adds to the mythology of these movies.  They also add a lot more supernatural events.  The characters are played very well by unknowns.  It’s back to “what the hell is going to happen?”

To other stuff… what about a story mixing monsters and supernatural horror like Paranormal Activity.

Hmmm.. a new twist.. someone took the main character..

I know this is all over the place but I need to write something.. been watching Helix.  Completed the first season.  Very good series about CDC scientist trying to fix extreme sci fi infections.. I think these days are excellent for fans of sci fi.

They are approaching a thin, white door.  The camera light fails as they walk in.  Inside the room is a fake head and some covered appliances.  They are searching for their brother in an old house.  Currently looking inside a horse stall.  Yikes.. crazy witches.. lol

They are inside the house with the witches outside staring.. looks like a goat head inside a pentagram.  They are looking at a window intensely till someone bangs on it.  Marisol is missing…

Oops.. she fell from the ceiling now Hector is running around the house screaming.  This would be intensely frightening if I was in this house.  All sorts of crazy things going on.. He’s opening the door… everything is quiet…

Till Jesse shows up and chases him.. yikes

Wow.. he broke down the door.. now Hector runs through a door and he is in the original Paranormal Activity house..

Scary zombie woman walking around.. ok.. he’s dead..

Nice..

Categories
Anxiety Journal

Work Anxiety

Made some mistakes at work today.  Have this overwhelming umbrella of paranoia and anxiety over this job.  Everything is perfect and the job loves me but I keep getting this feeling that something is going wrong.  Something is going to come up.  Someone is going to say, “I’m sorry but we have to boot you from the project.  You are just not working out anymore.”

I even feel that I am not giving 100%.  So much going on at work and more going on at home.  I’m overtired and wore out everyday.  It’s like I work 24 hours a day.. anyway.. that’s my speal..have a good day..

P.S. Check out my new post in City of Zombies later.. I haven’t written it yet but today is the day.  I don’t know if they are going to head to grandma’s or the safehouse.. maybe grandma is the safehouse or in the safehouse.. something.. should be interesting

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Anxiety Journal

Wow, I have an anxiety problem

Super stressed today.  Started work with an application down issue.  I took control of the issue and now have the responsibility of making sure a good solution is presented.  I’ve run through the last week wondering if I’m fooling everyone about my skills as a programmer.  How do you convince yourself you know what your doing?  I’ve got everyone else convinced, even though I worry they can see right through me.  That last thing is so contradictory.  How can I convince everyone but be scared they aren’t?  Isn’t the beginning a confident statement followed by crap?  My girls continue to aggravate me.  Like on on a tightrope, above a bridge and it swings wildly in the wind.  I have this tiny voice in my head telling me to be calm and respectable to my children.  They will remember the worse moments but then, Big Sarge takes over and barks his orders.  It’s insane.. its like two people arguing over who can be the better parent.  I would rather have this argument with my wife.  Second, third or fourth.. I don’t care.. I’m tired.. I go to bed at 11:30-12 and wake up at 6:30.  I can just blame today’s issue on that

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Anxiety Journal

New Posts (Anxiety Journal)

My anxiety is really high today.  I don’t know the cause, just know my children make it worse.  I heard on the radio someone started writing a journal.  This is a public writing blog and I thought what better exercise then writing thoughts that prevent me from being happy.  Anyways, I have money and child discipline activities on my mind.  The family may move soon so that pressure is growing. “Do I have enough money to move?”  Will I have enough money? I need to find a new job.  What if they don’t like me?  What if my current success is a fluke?  What if the new place is worse than this place..

Anyways, post number 1.. I hope it makes me feel better