Opposite Day Part 3

Derrick woke slowly. His eyes slowly beat as he regained consciousness. Bobby came into focus slowly. The desperation within Derrick’s head slowly increased but he was slow to move. The blow to his head scrambled his normal functions.
“It’s opposite day, Derrick. You don’t have to suffer under the oppression of your past activities,” a quiet detached voice began to echo. “Your activities are unacceptable. Your pot smoking, women and violence needs to be paid for.”
Derrick felt the tips of his fingers tingle. He began to feel the ability to move.
“Bobby, is an innocent. He can carry your burden.”
Derrick thought about this for a moment. He recalled a couple parties the two friends attended. The beer, the girls…
“…but Bobby left,” the voice answered. “The opposite of sin is innocence, Derrick.”
Derrick sat up quickly, surprising Bobby. “I have something for you Bobby,” he said as he grasp Bobby by the throat. Bobby struggled and freed himself easily. Derrick had yet regained 100% of his strength.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Shouted Bobby as he backed away from his approaching room mate.
“Dude, it’s opposite day and you are innocent.”
“Ummm…” Bobby stammered illegibly. He recalled the magician and the card. It was hard to imagine something like this actually happening. What kind of magic is this?

“Innocent, my ass,” Bobby shouted.

“Don’t screw with me,” shouted Derrick, “you are a virgin and you know it.  I’m not a virgin.”

“Count the woman on one hand, man,” Bobby insisted as he dodged a swipe from Derrick’s pocket knife.

Derrick growled as he approached but he slowed when he tried to recall his sexual conquest.

“Jen…”  He began but Bobby interrupted him.  “No, you lost her to Jeremy Sonn.”

“April, Mary, Ashley?”

Bobby dodged a swift punch.  Derrick hit the wall with is hand.  His face froze as several of the small bones in his fingers snapped.  Bobby shoved Derrick backward causing him to fall.  Bobby grabbed a broken table leg and stood beside him.

“Derrick, you are a loser like me!”  Bobby pleaded.  “That’s why we are room mates and friends.  “Dude, you have to stop.”

Derrick wanted to stand but he was exhausted and sore.

Ashley walked slowly into the room and offered Bobby a bottle of whiskey.  Shocked, Bobby accepted it and set it the floor.

“Listen guys, this is all because of some magic I ran into yesterday.”

“You are magical, Bobby,” Ashley cooed as she slowly ran her hands down his side.  “Stop it,” Bobby shouted.

“We have to destroy the damn machine.”

“I have to destroy something,” Derrick said as he stared at Bobby.  “Oh my God, man.  I’m going to have to tie you up.”

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